This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
