There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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