OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
