I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
