i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
