I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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