wakey wakey hands off snakey
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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