Please, let me fuck your mom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
