Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
