i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
