You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my being single is dangerous.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
