my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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