i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
