He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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