i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
