things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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