i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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