My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
