You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
