Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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