If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
