I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
