wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
