Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
