apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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