my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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