YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
