i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
