I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
