We won't sleep together?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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