Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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