i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
