In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
