If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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