you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
