I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
