If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
