my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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