out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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