cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
