Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize