A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
