I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
