first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
