She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
