I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
