Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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