pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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