cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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