I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
