yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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