whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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