she woke up with a sticky ear
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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