I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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