Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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