OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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