I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
