I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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