I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
