she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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