Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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