He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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