Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
