Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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