I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
