I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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