what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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