a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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