It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm always down for nudity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
