Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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