why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
