All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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