ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
