guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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