I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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