Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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