Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
